Finding Healthy Masculinity as a Trans Man

The Dilemma of Becoming the Man You Want to Be

I see many of my trans-masc clients, and cis men as well, struggling with their own masculinity. On one hand, there’s the deep, rightful desire to be recognized as a man — to feel that internal sense of congruence reflected by the world. On the other, there’s the uneasy awareness that much of what society models as “masculine” is steeped in domination, suppression, and harm.

This tension creates a unique psychological and spiritual task: to build a masculinity that feels true rather than performative, embodied rather than reactive.

It’s a dilemma many trans men quietly wrestle with. They want to inhabit their manhood fully — yet they don’t want to perpetuate the toxic masculinity that so many of us grew up wounded by.

Exploring grounded, authentic masculinity in a world with few clear models.

The Shifts That Come With Testosterone

For those who pursue gender-affirming hormonal therapy, testosterone can be both liberating and disorienting. Many describe feeling more grounded, confident, and emotionally accessible in ways they didn’t expect. But it can also bring unfamiliar sensations — quickened anger, stronger sexual energy, more physical restlessness. This is echoed in research on transmasculine experiences with testosterone and health care.

These shifts aren’t inherently bad; they’re just energy. Testosterone amplifies life force — the same fuel that drives protection, creativity, and passion. The challenge is learning how to channel it.

Unchanneled, this energy can become irritability, aggression, or compulsive sexuality. Channeled well, it becomes assertiveness, integrity, and purpose.

This is where body-based practices like martial arts, weight training, dance, or wilderness time can be invaluable. They give testosterone a direction — a place for the fire to go that doesn’t burn the people you love.

Anger as an Ally

Anger, for trans men, can carry layers of complexity. It might emerge from dysphoria, social invalidation, or years of having to fight for existence. Once testosterone enters the picture, that anger can feel sharper and more immediate.

But anger isn’t the enemy — suppression is. Anger, when harnessed skillfully, points toward boundaries, self-respect, and justice.

Healthy masculinity means listening to anger, not indulging it. It means asking, “What needs protecting here?” rather than “Who needs punishing?”

Learning to move anger through the body — with breathwork, somatic therapy, martial arts, or even primal movement — helps it shift from destructive to directive. Explore more about somatic tools for working with strong emotions on my Somatic Trauma Therapy page.

The Trouble With Role Models

One of the greatest challenges for trans men is that the cultural blueprint for masculinity is, frankly, broken.

Cis men themselves often struggle to find role models who embody emotional depth and strength without collapsing into either repression or entitlement. For trans men, the landscape is even thinner.

Media representation tends to center either cis male archetypes or narratives of transition itself, rather than the ongoing practice of being a man. Trans men rarely get to see themselves reflected as mature, whole, integrated people.

That means many trans men must build masculinity from scratch — drawing inspiration from many sources: queer elders, women, nonbinary mentors, the natural world, spiritual traditions, or their own internal compass.

Research with trans men echoes this, showing that many have to consciously construct their own masculinity within a culture that almost never imagines them in its models of ‘what a man is.’

It’s less about imitation and more about cultivation.

Not Feeling Welcome in “Men’s Spaces”

Even when trans men seek out environments where masculinity is intentionally explored — like martial arts dojos, men’s retreats, or brotherhood circles — they often encounter an unspoken barrier.

Sometimes it’s outright exclusion. Other times, it’s subtler: a sense that the space was made by and for cis men, built around assumptions that don’t fit.

Many of these spaces still harbor undercurrents of competitiveness, stoicism, or heteronormativity that make trans men feel like outsiders even when no one says it aloud.

This leaves trans men in a kind of liminal zone: too masculine for queer spaces, too queer for men’s spaces.

But there is also freedom in that liminality. From that in-between place, many trans men are quietly redefining masculinity itself — modeling versions of manhood that are humble, emotionally literate, and body-aware.

Authentic masculinity grows from inner alignment, grounded presence, and a willingness to walk your own path.

Building a Masculinity That Feels Authentic

Healthy masculinity isn’t about rejecting power — it’s about learning to wield it responsibly. It’s about grounding into your body and your truth without letting ego take over.

For trans men, this means:

• Claiming agency without domination.

• Expressing desire without objectification.

• Feeling anger without harm.

• Owning sensitivity without shame.

• Leading without needing to be above anyone.

Masculinity, at its best, is protective, generous, and fiercely present. It has the capacity to hold space, to build, to love with focus and endurance.

Trans men have an opportunity — and perhaps a responsibility — to model a new masculinity: one that honors power without losing compassion, one that includes the body rather than represses it, one that stays open to learning.

A Path Forward

So where can trans men turn for guidance?

• Therapy and men’s work led by gender-expansive or queer-affirming facilitators can provide a safer entry point into emotional exploration.

• Somatic practices like martial arts, yoga, and breathwork help regulate testosterone-driven energy while strengthening body awareness.

• Mentorship — whether with other trans men or emotionally intelligent cis men — can provide models for embodied leadership and self-restraint.

• Community — finding or creating trans-masculine groups that talk about emotions, sex, and anger openly — helps counter the isolation many men feel.

The truth is: there’s no single roadmap. Every man — cis, trans, or otherwise — has to define what healthy masculinity means for himself. But trans men, precisely because they have had to consciously construct their manhood, may be some of our most powerful teachers in how to do it well.

For a more in-depth perspective, check out these insights on redefining masculinity from a transgender man's perspective.

Redefining Manhood

Healthy masculinity is not about proving manhood; it’s about inhabiting it.

Trans men, by necessity, are rewriting the script of what it means to be a man— and in doing so, they’re helping to heal masculinity itself.

When you learn to channel anger into purpose, libido into connection, and power into protection, you’re not just finding your masculinity — you’re helping to redefine it for everyone.

Beyond the Binary: The Freedom to Embody

This work is not just for “men”. Many transmasculine, nonbinary, and gender-expansive people are exploring how to embody their masculinity without attaching it to manhood.

This too is sacred work.

Healthy masculinity doesn’t have to belong to men — it’s a quality of presence, integrity, and aliveness available to anyone. It’s the capacity to stand in one’s strength without closing the heart.

Those who live outside the binary often remind us that masculinity isn’t about gender — it’s about embodiment. It’s about learning how to let your inner strength coexist with empathy, creativity, and care.

In this way, trans men and gender-expansive people alike are charting a new cultural territory — one where masculinity is no longer defined by opposition or dominance, but by wholeness.

Reimagining Masculinity, Together

If you’re exploring masculinity, identity, or the embodied work of becoming yourself, you don’t have to navigate it alone. I offer queer-affirming, somatic, and emotionally attuned therapy for trans men and gender-expansive people.

When you’re ready, reach out here to setup a free 20-minute consult call. Learn more about my approach to Queer-Allied Therapy.